Sexual Harassment, Rape, Molestation, all this have become a daily affair. And to be frank ” the Optimist Me” can see NO solution to it. Obviously, it is the heartbreaking thing to live by. But what breaks my heart the most is- the cases of Child Abuse.
Those little lives who do not even know what sex is, are being sexually abused. Coerced to experience hell before they could even differentiate hell and heaven. They, in the age to play with toys, are being played like a toy.
To add- the dreadful thing in such cases is- those sexual predators, those demonic child abusers are mostly our family member, relative or our closest one. Whom do we trust? How do we survive?
Maybe these few words can sum up how I am feeling at this moment.
गहरा है समंदर
डूब रही है नन्ही जाने
बचने की कोई राह नहीं
तेज है बुराइयो की लहरें
जिसने दुनिया मे कदम अभी है रखे
कैसे तैरना वो जाने
दूर खड़े लोग चीखते चिल्लाते
किसीके हाथ उन्हें बचाने ना पहुँच पाते
किसने सोचा था समंदर की राह नन्हे कदमो को दिखाने वाले
थे कोई अपने ना पराए ।
Today, I came across this short film on youtube that triggered my emotion. The emotion that I felt when I first heard my friend’s suffering and I hate this emotion, this feeling of helplessness. So, I decided to write and let go of this feeling(at least for now).
One night, I along with my friends was discussing how sexual crimes have been growing and this conversation led us to discuss our own stories. This shouldn’t have been shocking for us but it was- the fact that each one of us has been physically abused at least once. That night revealed years of suffering, pain, and regret of holding on for so long. Though today I will just share the story of my friend that triggered the emotion I was talking about.
She was probably 9/10 years old. She was so young that she could not even remember exactly what age she was. She and her younger brother shared a room.
One night as she was sleeping she felt someone near her, his hand on her genitals. She was so scared, she felt numb. She didn’t even open her eyes. This continued for nights(I am unable to pen down in detail about all that happened). At that age, she didn’t know what was going on, whom to tell, what to tell, how to deal with it. One night she couldn’t take it and opened her eyes- over her the most unexpected face. Before she could react, he shut her mouth with his hands. She hated that, cried over it but couldn’t tell it to anyone. The next night she decided to lock her room to keep that nightmare from coming and unlock it in the morning before anyone woke up. She continued this for days, gave up on her sleep and yes, she succeeded. This physical torture stopped but the mental torture remained with her. Open doors aren’t safe even at home. Who knew that a grandfather could do anything as cruel and disgusting as this to his grandchild. She was not just physically abused but mentally destroyed. At that age, people crave for the love of grandparents but she wished that her grandpa dies and she won’t have to live with that fear every night. This incident traumatized her. She couldn’t sleep for days and she still fears dark.
Maybe things could have been different if she had shared this with someone at that point. But I don’t blame her as it is always easy saying than doing.
Whose fault is it that she lacked the confidence to share this with anyone?
I just wonder how did she tolerate him around at home, pretend everything is normal, how painful it may have been for her to go through all of his and keep this suffering and pain to herself for years. That night was the first time she shared this horrific incident with anyone in these many years. She cried her heart out and I could feel her pain. This motivated each one of us in that room to take turns to share our pain.
We often say “WHY ME”? without even realizing that there are people around us asking the same.
When I say I hate this feeling I mean I hate the pain she had to go through, the pain that makes me feel how helpless we are. And it’s not only about her, no one deserves such deed. I hate that I can do nothing but just feel bad about it.
It is so pathetic to even think that the family who swears to protect you from all the evil deeds can become the evil in your life. Let alone this world, even our homes aren’t safe for us.